There was once a time in my life where I was forced to endure an entire school year without the aid of a personal computer. This all occurred during my 12th grade year of high school. Not only was there a lack of a personal computer, the internet itself would shut off at 10:00 pm every night. Now as much as I would like to go in depth and give you the back-story, it is not the point of this essay. The point is for me to share with you how I felt during those 9 months.
At first the experience was torturous. In that it was horrifically boring at home when I nothing to do but play the few good games I had on my Wii. I resented every minute that I spent being home. I cursed my parents regularly for making school unnecessarily more difficult for me and life even more of a bore. I had trouble coping with the severe lack of fun I could have at home and the inability to do any type of homework that required a computer.
Although a few months later, the constant boredom and inhibition from completing academic needs began to numb my mind. At home I was always in a sort of blank state of mind where I was fully aware of my predicament and fully aware that there was nothing in my power that I could do to fix it. My parents were stubborn beyond any attempts to sway their mind, I had no significant amount of money in my possession to buy a cheap laptop, and essentially I was constantly hitting roadblocks placed by the very people who strive for me to be successful in life. They were always blinded by the intentions of their actions and failed to see the harm that it causes.
Throughout most of the experience I was simply content with the small amount of entertainment I could have on the Wii. I was always content. Never happy, never excited, never gleeful, I was simply content. One could say it was borderline depression. The lack of emotion and the inability to feel anger. "Contrary to popular belief, depression is not a painful experience. Depression is a numbing strategy usually developed in childhood as a way to keep you safe from the consequences of your anger. An emotionally healthy person can allow himself to feel anger without reacting to it. When you numb yourself from real pain (anger), you block off the joy in your life and become depressed." -Anonymous
In the end. through the help of my English teacher and counselor I managed to use what little strength I had in me to just barely pass English with a D and graduate high school by the skin of my teeth. Now I can go on about how frustrating it was when during summer vacation I had a computer but the internet cut off everyday from 11:00 pm to 11:00 am so I was only able to play for 12 hours per day, everyday, on a summer vacation. But that would be going beyond what I was meant to write about. And thus, this concludes my story.
